Gray Skies

Past

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:42:51 -0400

We have to discard the past
and, as one builds
floor by floor, window by window,
and the building rises,
so do we go on throwing down
first, broken tiles,
then pompous doors,
until out of the past
dust rises
as if to crash
against the floor,
smoke rises
as if to catch fire,
and each new day
it gleams
like an empty
plate.
There is nothing, there is always nothing.
It has to be filled
with a new, fruitful
space,
then downward
tumbles yesterday
as in a well
falls yesterday’s water,
into the cistern
of all still without voice or fire.
It is difficult to teach bones
to disappear,
to teach eyes
to close
but
we do it
unrealizing.
It was all alive,
alive, alive, alive
like a scarlet fish
but time
passed over its dark cloth
and the flash of the fish
drowned and disappeared.
Water water water
the past goes on falling
still a tangle
of bones
and of roots;
it has been, it has been, and now
memories mean nothing.
Now the heavy eyelid
covers the light of the eye
and what was once living
now no longer lives;
what we were, we are not.
And with words, although the letters
still have transparency and sound,
they change, and the mouth changes;
the same mouth is now another mouth;
they change, lips, skin, circulation;
another being has occupied our skeleton;
what once was in us now is not.
It has gone, but if the call, we reply;
“I am here,” knowing we are not,
that what once was, was and is lost,
is lost in the past, and now will not return.

Pablo Neruda

I don’t want you just to love me.

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:35:00 -0400

I want you to be proud of me. I want you to show me off to your friends and to your parents. I want them to be jealous of you, happy for you. I want them to think you’ve made a good “catch”, I want you to think you’ve made a good “catch”. I want you to feel that you’re lucky to be with me, not because you’re insecure, but because you think I’m amazing. I want other guys to look at me when I walk down the street and I want you to get a little jealous. I want you to wake up in the morning and be thankful that I’m yours, and only yours. I want you to fall asleep with your mind on my face, because it’s your favorite thing in the world to look at. I want you to be completely comfortable around me, yet still try to impress me, and still do all those things you would do if you were still chasing after me. I want you to be spontaneous. I want you to do something sweet on impulse. I want you to tell me I’m beautiful – not because I need to hear it, but because you believe it. I want you to notice all the little things I do to make you happy and say thank you – not all the time, but once in a while. When other girls flirt with you, I want you to bring up your amazing girlfriend. When your guy friends call you whipped, I want you to brush it off because you love me, and I want you to tell them that. When you read this, I want you to know that I love you and I these are the things I feel for you, that I (try to) do for you.